Saturday, November 22, 2014

Giving with Love

I have received some charity of late.

Some people give to me without conditions, without emotional blackmail, without disgust, without judgement. These are some friends, some charitable organizations, some volunteers, some social workers.

I say thank you a lot.

Those who say they love me (we share genetic material), give with conditions, with emotional and verbal abuse, with judgement if they give at all. They hurt my heart.

I say thank you a lot.

I write thank you notes.

I think the people in the first group are the ones who really love me even if they don't always know me.

I cry a lot. I cry when people are nice and compassionate. I cry when family members are mean.

And some people just don't want to deal with me and my problems. We stopped saying anything to each other.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Not Sure

  • Not sure if the election results are a good thing or a bad thing.
  • Not sure if I'll find a place to live.
  • Kind of feel stupid for getting rid of car, but then again I couldn't afford the repairs.
  • Not sure of anything.
  • What scares me is that God allows evil to happen and for bad things to happen to good people. 

Sunday, October 12, 2014

What's the Message?

I wonder what God is trying to tell me. I know this: I can't be a superwoman. I can't bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan in the career woman way. Was that a Charlie perfume commercial? I can't sustain and support myself by myself. I need to rely on God and others for a little help or big help.

Life is overwhelming. I need some joy and fun. And prayers.

And if God would just write down what I am suppose to do with my limitations and weaknesses and sinus infection, I would appreciate it.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Shivering for Life

On Sunday I joined about 50 other people in a Pro-Life Prayer Chain. For one hour we stood on a busy street in front of and near an abortion clinic and held various pro-life and anti-abortion signs. We were silent, yet I felt we were very powerful and loud. Many drivers toot-tooted their horns in support. There were only two drivers who demonstrated anger at us, but they didn't run us over or even get out of their cars. Some drivers gave no response and that's okay. After all it was a busy street, and people needed to pay attention to the traffic.

Next time I do this, I will wear a hat and add another sweater to my layers of clothing unless it's really hot outside.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Good-bye Car, Big Burdensome Car

Sold broken down car to mechanic who will flip it.
Secretly, I am glad I do not have a car now especially that car.
I will be glad when I get another car, but right now I seem to be coping okay for the short-term.
Secretly, I hated driving that car. I mean it gave me a lot of good years, but I was so uncomfortable driving it, parking it, then I worried about it a lot.

Big old car was a burden. Gone now. Sounds crazy to be happy to be carless now.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Getting Help and Health

a) One friend sent me a $100 gift card, which will come in very, very, handy at big store that sells everything from food to underwear to socks to toilet paper to laundry detergent. It will come in very, very handy. This is not the first time she has given me gift cards.

b) I called my church and then went to the rectory office. My parish gave me a $25 gift card to local grocery store chain. Yes, it will come in handy.

c) I called a Prevent Homelessness hotline that is somehow tied to Catholic Charities and asked for financial aid and case management services. A lady took my name, number, town and said someone will call me back within three business days.

d) I called Catholic Charities inquiring about financial assistance and case management services. They gave me the phone number for the prevent homelessness hotline that I already called.

Since I'm off (unemployed) this week, I decided to take care of a few other matters. 

e) Made dental appointment since check up and cleaning is covered under my insurance. Dentist office is about 1/2 mile away, so I can walk.

f) Made another appointment with another doctor that I have been putting off. That's about two miles away, and I can walk if I need to. 

Yesterday I filed for unemployment benefits AGAIN, which I was able to do online. 

Thursday, September 18, 2014

No Car, No Job, No Money

I can't afford to get my old car fixed right now.

Today I found out that my temp-to-hire position is just temp, and my last day is tomorrow.

Stomach pains, chest pains.

I hated telling my dad this news. He's worried and stressed about me. I am worried and stressed about him.

I can't stop crying.

Can't even pray now.